The Final Season

It has been 2 months since my last post. I'm sure that breaks some sort of blogging rule (post often if you want people to visit your site, or something like that). Don't worry, dear reader. My absence was due to the fact that I was enjoying life and not sitting in front of a computer. I'll catch you up...

An ileostomy is not something I would wish on someone else, but one can get used to it. There were some advantages -- mainly that I had advanced notice when it was time to take care of myself (empty the pouch, etc.) The disadvantage came when the darn thing leaked at inopportune times. I was always prepared, so there were no embarassing episodes to report. I struggled most with how to dress. The pouch was attached to the right of my navel, about an inch down. I could wear my pants on the hips with an untucked shirt, or above the waist (a "chestie" as we used to call it). I preferred the former, but such a casual look was not appropriate in all business settings.

I made the mistake about a month ago of searching the internet for information regarding the upcoming phase -- ileostomy reversal. What I found was a mixture of fact and fiction that surprised and depressed me. My vision consisted of about 2 days in the hospital and one to one-and-a-half weeks home from work followed by full functionality. Why did I think that this phase would be any easier than the others?

In truth, I spent 3 days in the hospital passing much too easily the all-liquid diet I consumed, followed by 2 weeks at home trying to regulate my system. Folks, don't take your sphincter muscle for granted. It performs a valuable service, allowing you to "hold it" much of the time and to "go" at regular intervals. Imagine that it did not serve you in this capacity and you'll know what I am experiencing at this phase. I asked Dr. B the surgeon how long it will take until my bowels function normally again. "Weeks? Months?" I asked. "Weeks. Months." was his reply.

You know by now that I don't take these things lying down (actually, I do take them lying down but I am not defeated). So, what will I do about the situation? On the one hand, I will watch my diet. Dr. B prescribed probiotics to replace the natural flora in my digestive system. The right combination of soluble and insoluble fiber will help me digest my food and maintain the right consistency of poo (a medical term for poop).

On the other hand, I will start exercising my PC muscles. Yes, Dorothy, there are Kegel exercises for men. They are the same exercises used by women after they give birth to strengthen the abdominal floor muscles. According to my research, men use Kegels to solve a variety of problems. Urinary incontinence is a primary reason, followed by fecal incontinence. AskMen.com states that Kegels will also help me "control [my] orgasms and ejaculations and last for longer." That's the bonus -- the icing on the cake. In a few weeks, when I have strengthened my PC muscles, I will not only be a "regular" guy, but I will also "be able to hold up a wet towel with [my] erection."

Now that's something I couldn't do before.